Dear Silly Little White Girl,

You´re from Boston, not from India. I don´t care how many saris you own, how enlightening those two weeks you spent in Delhi were, or how many times you´ve seen ¨Bend it like Bekham.¨ Go back home and order some chowder.

Personally I blame Madonna and Sarah McLaughlin for this recent wave of disenchanted free spirits who seem to have found themselves in India. But let´s be real, shall we? There is nothing ¨liberating¨ about 800 million people living in dire poverty and the Dali Lami is from Tibet. The entire concept of reincarnation and karma is just a way to tell you everything bad that happens is your own fault so shut up and stop complaining and if you´re good enough in your next life things will be better. And you thought Baptist churches were bad?

Yes chicken biryani is delicious and there is nothing like naan fresh out of a tandoor but that doesn´t mean you have to look for salvation in a far off distant land. We both know you´re just running away from your own shit at the homestead and India has provided you with a convenient new ¨center of being.¨ Your Hindi is terrible and you and I both speak fluent english so why do you insist on assaulting my ears?

Truth be told, the culpability stretches all the way back to George Harrison and Donovan. But the difference with those two is they were doing it because they actually found something that worked for them. Something they believed in and that helped them along their path in life. They weren´t just following the crowd by rebelling and being out of the mainstream like you are, I bet is pisses off your parents doesn´t it? Plus they had talent, and talent makes up for a lot of goofy decisions.

Between the henna tattoos, terrible Alanis Morrisette songs and people doing yoga everywhere I look I can´t take the fascination with Indian culture anymore. As someone who has grown up on the fringes of that culture let me tell you, there are good parts and there are bad parts. But it´s not the bastion to salvation that you´re looking for, it´s not going to provide you all the answers to all your problems, it´s not some miraculous culture with all the wisdom and insight that you lack.

So lets make a deal, shall we. You don´t get to tell me how I don´t understand India anymore, and I promise not to drown you in the Ghanges. Go back home and deal with your own problems like an adult and stop pretending to be something you´re not.

Anyways, I don´t have time for this anymore. I got some salsa lessons to go to tonight and hopefully I´ll have a chance to practice my spanish with that new Argentinean chick I met.

chau,
Kashif