Bad news, bad news, come to me where I sleep
As if watching the 41-0 thumping of my beloved Cleveland Browns by the arch-rival Pittsburgh Steelers wasn´t enough, this morning when I surfed over to espn.com I was greated more evidence of the embarrasment that has become my once beloved franchise.
Rumors are circulating already that our still new GM Phil Savage will be fired, less than one-year into his contract. When Savage was hired he was hailed as the genius that was going to fix the sinking ship that is the Cleveland Browns.
And now it looks like he becomes yet another victim of the futility that is pro-football in Cleveland.
Sometimes you spend so much time and energy loving something, without question, without asking for anything in return only to have your heart broken time and time again. Like a woman that goes back to the man that beats her again and again, because ¨he really loves me¨and ¨this time it´s different¨and sure for a while things are new and unique and you allow yourself to let your guard down and start to believe that maybe this time it really is different.
But sure enough, the one you invest your time and effort in, your hopes and dreams, turns around once again to stick a dagger in your heart. And you ask yourself how many more times am I going to crawl back? When is enough going to be enough?
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
Damn! We is some fat people
One thing I´ve definately noticed in my travels around the world is that whole US obesiety epidemic thing...not a joke. We are by far the fattest people I have met anywhere in the world.
I suppose some of that is just natural, given our standing as the world´s economic juggernaut (at least for the time being). For much of human history being fat was considered a sign of wealth and success. So maybe we´re just carrying on that long standing tradition.
It can´t be genetics, seeing as we are a very diverse nation. That leaves diet. And while we might eat a lot of fried fatty food, we are by far not alone in that regard. I don´t think the Colombians have met a food they haven´t tried to deep-fry. And these peopel can eat! But amazingly enough I hardly see any fat people here.
But personally I think it´s all just politics. I blame it on the high-fructose corn syrup that we put in everything. It´s weird, people are just as addicted to coke down here as they are in the states, but no one seems to blow up the way we do. And I´m pretty sure it´s because they use real sugar in everything instead of that corn by-product.
I don´t think anyone else in the world uses high-fructose corn syrup as a sweetener they way we do. And I´m not a doctor or anything, but my own ill-informed opinion tells me that stuff has more than a little to do with our weight problems.
And the reason we have so much of it. Iowa and Florida. But perhaps more accurately our screwed up presidential election process. Or just politics as usual.
Iowa´s presidential primary is among the first in the nation. This gives this silly-little square state full of farmers an exhorbinant amount of political clout. Any politician who has even the remotest presidential aspirations knows the quickest way to kill of a candacy is to piss off the corn-huskers. And that means screwing over the nation to subsidize the good ole´boys in the form of ethanol subsidies and high import taxes on sugar. Hell they gotta do something with all that corn, might as well throw it in our cars and pretend it´s sugar!
Florida of course weilds it´s own political clout. Every year it´s one of the most hotly contested states in the electoral map. And given Florida´s make-up of multiple, highly-organized, special-interest groups that vote together in blocs gives them all an amazing amount of political capital (think senior citizens, cubans and of course sugar cane farmers). Yes Florida gives us one more reason to keep the import taxes on sugar quite high.
What is a cheap product everywhere else in the world is fairly expensive in the US, luckily for us we have a great alternative in the form of high-fructose corn-syrup. Too bad we´re all becoming Orca fat and gonna die of heart-attacks (at least I think that´s true, any doctors out there know for sure?).
One thing I´ve definately noticed in my travels around the world is that whole US obesiety epidemic thing...not a joke. We are by far the fattest people I have met anywhere in the world.
I suppose some of that is just natural, given our standing as the world´s economic juggernaut (at least for the time being). For much of human history being fat was considered a sign of wealth and success. So maybe we´re just carrying on that long standing tradition.
It can´t be genetics, seeing as we are a very diverse nation. That leaves diet. And while we might eat a lot of fried fatty food, we are by far not alone in that regard. I don´t think the Colombians have met a food they haven´t tried to deep-fry. And these peopel can eat! But amazingly enough I hardly see any fat people here.
But personally I think it´s all just politics. I blame it on the high-fructose corn syrup that we put in everything. It´s weird, people are just as addicted to coke down here as they are in the states, but no one seems to blow up the way we do. And I´m pretty sure it´s because they use real sugar in everything instead of that corn by-product.
I don´t think anyone else in the world uses high-fructose corn syrup as a sweetener they way we do. And I´m not a doctor or anything, but my own ill-informed opinion tells me that stuff has more than a little to do with our weight problems.
And the reason we have so much of it. Iowa and Florida. But perhaps more accurately our screwed up presidential election process. Or just politics as usual.
Iowa´s presidential primary is among the first in the nation. This gives this silly-little square state full of farmers an exhorbinant amount of political clout. Any politician who has even the remotest presidential aspirations knows the quickest way to kill of a candacy is to piss off the corn-huskers. And that means screwing over the nation to subsidize the good ole´boys in the form of ethanol subsidies and high import taxes on sugar. Hell they gotta do something with all that corn, might as well throw it in our cars and pretend it´s sugar!
Florida of course weilds it´s own political clout. Every year it´s one of the most hotly contested states in the electoral map. And given Florida´s make-up of multiple, highly-organized, special-interest groups that vote together in blocs gives them all an amazing amount of political capital (think senior citizens, cubans and of course sugar cane farmers). Yes Florida gives us one more reason to keep the import taxes on sugar quite high.
What is a cheap product everywhere else in the world is fairly expensive in the US, luckily for us we have a great alternative in the form of high-fructose corn-syrup. Too bad we´re all becoming Orca fat and gonna die of heart-attacks (at least I think that´s true, any doctors out there know for sure?).
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Here´s a thought
Hows this for an experiment. Let’s start with a cosmopolitan, well-cultured, educated city of moderate size somewhere in South America. Then let’s subject this city to the most horrific violence in modern human history. Car-bombs would be a daily occurrence; assassins would roam the streets with virtually no opposition; police, drug-lords and vigilantes would do battle in the even the most affluent neighborhoods; innocent people would be killed in unimaginable numbers; judges, politicians, clergy, no one would be off-limits. In fact the violence would escalate to such a degree that this city would by far be considered the murder capital of the world.
And then after two decades of this living hell we would institute law and order. The thugs would be run out of town. Heavily armed police would be highly visible throughout the city. Civil liberties would be highly curtailed, but the level violence which plagued this city would be a thing of the past. Surely not every criminal would disappear, but the difference would be dramatic.
After about five-years what do you think would be the state of this city? Here’s my hypothesis (based on some empirical evidence.) The vast majority of people in this city would be thrilled. The happiest, most friendly and amazingly helpful people you could ever hope to meet. But their collective psyche wouldn’t forget the times they just went through. Trust would be non-existent. At the same time that people were going out of their way to help you they would warn you not to believe anything anyone says to you.
Anyone you stopped on the street for directions would gladly help you figure out where you really want to go and tell you the best way to get there, tell you how much the cab should cost; even going so far as flagging down a taxi for you, talking to the driver and letting him know the directions and warning him not to screw you on the fare.
If you were looking to buy something the cab driver would figure out exactly what it was you wanted and find the best spot to go and tell you how much it should cost; even going so far as to walk into the store with you and negotiate a price.
If you stopped at a restaurant on the street and they didn’t have what you wanted, the owner would figure out the closest store that did, call them up and have them deliver you food, and charge you nothing extra for the service. And then of course warn you not to go to any place else because they’ll screw you.
They’d do all of this even if your Spanglish was broken to the level that it took 5 minutes to get across simple points, and you couldn’t understand their answers until they walked you through the explanation.
It’s so much easier to assume the worst in people than to naively believe the best. I’m not sure which option is really superior.
Hows this for an experiment. Let’s start with a cosmopolitan, well-cultured, educated city of moderate size somewhere in South America. Then let’s subject this city to the most horrific violence in modern human history. Car-bombs would be a daily occurrence; assassins would roam the streets with virtually no opposition; police, drug-lords and vigilantes would do battle in the even the most affluent neighborhoods; innocent people would be killed in unimaginable numbers; judges, politicians, clergy, no one would be off-limits. In fact the violence would escalate to such a degree that this city would by far be considered the murder capital of the world.
And then after two decades of this living hell we would institute law and order. The thugs would be run out of town. Heavily armed police would be highly visible throughout the city. Civil liberties would be highly curtailed, but the level violence which plagued this city would be a thing of the past. Surely not every criminal would disappear, but the difference would be dramatic.
After about five-years what do you think would be the state of this city? Here’s my hypothesis (based on some empirical evidence.) The vast majority of people in this city would be thrilled. The happiest, most friendly and amazingly helpful people you could ever hope to meet. But their collective psyche wouldn’t forget the times they just went through. Trust would be non-existent. At the same time that people were going out of their way to help you they would warn you not to believe anything anyone says to you.
Anyone you stopped on the street for directions would gladly help you figure out where you really want to go and tell you the best way to get there, tell you how much the cab should cost; even going so far as flagging down a taxi for you, talking to the driver and letting him know the directions and warning him not to screw you on the fare.
If you were looking to buy something the cab driver would figure out exactly what it was you wanted and find the best spot to go and tell you how much it should cost; even going so far as to walk into the store with you and negotiate a price.
If you stopped at a restaurant on the street and they didn’t have what you wanted, the owner would figure out the closest store that did, call them up and have them deliver you food, and charge you nothing extra for the service. And then of course warn you not to go to any place else because they’ll screw you.
They’d do all of this even if your Spanglish was broken to the level that it took 5 minutes to get across simple points, and you couldn’t understand their answers until they walked you through the explanation.
It’s so much easier to assume the worst in people than to naively believe the best. I’m not sure which option is really superior.
The New Latin American World Order
I´m very close to having beein in South America for a whole two weeks now, and I think that makes me as qualified as anyone else to disect the political situation here. I´ve always found politics fascinating, plus making wild prognostications is soooo much fun! Are you reading this people at the State Department???
When Venezualan President Chavez talks about fulfilling the legacy of Símon Bolivar he´s not kidding. He sees a United Latin America able to act as a counter-point to the arrogant US Imerialism as a pre-ordained outcome, a fulfillment of Bolivar´s legacy.
Chavez has done an amazing job solidifying his power base in Venezuala. The opposition has already pulled out of the government and soon will be running into the jungles. He´s got mass appeal among the people with his populist agenda and his stances against the US. One side-affect of the rise in oil prices in the last few years is that Chavez and his government are swimming in money. And with that money he´s working on creating his 2-million man army he needs to exert his will. Just watch the rate at which Venezuala is buying arms.
Chavez has had an excellent mentor in the world of politics in the form of Cuba´s Castro. Castro seems to acknowledge more and more that his days are numbered and while his legacy has already been written, he´s looking for a way to continue the revolution. And he´s found his eager student in Chavez.
Those of us hoping that after Castro´s death Cuba would open up to the world and join the rest of modern society, well be careful what you wish for. Somehow, someway Chavez will be in charge of Cuba. Whether is by direct control or a puppet-regime in Cuba remains to be seen.
What´s also fascinating about Chavez´s strong-man in Venezuala is the affect it is having in the region. Brazil has been railing against US power for a while now, and now in the form of Chavez they have a leader to follow. Bolivia just elected a socialist ex-coca grower as President, and they to seem to step-in-step with Chavez. Ecuador and Peru hang in the balance. Argentina, as it is apt to do, is keeping to itself.
But the governments of Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama and Colombia are increasingly feeling the pressure. Chavez rails against their leaders are lap-dogs of the US government. And that claim resonates with the majority of their own citizens living in absolute poverty. Chavez is trying to export revolution to these countries, he´s inciting the populus, promising them politicial support, weapons and whatever else they might need.
And his number one target right now is Venezuala´s neighbor to the west, Colombia. Colombia´s President Uribe has taking much criticism for his pro-US stance. While he has restored some semblance of order to this country over-run by 40 years of civil war, the situation hasn´t improved for majority of the population in the barrios.
In six-months Uribe runs for re-election. The outcome will either cement opposition to the populist movement in Venezuala or will be the first of many dominos to fall in creating the United States of Latin America.
The issue that will decide the election in Colombia? Suprisingly enough, not the war with the ELN, Farc or paramilitary groups. That´s not going to chance significantly enough in the next 6-months to sway the vote one way or another. But the proposed Free-Trade pact with the US will.
The Colombians have been bending over backwards to please the US. They´ve erradicated 80% of the coca fields, tightened security, been an ally in the War on Terror and jumped through all the hoops we´ve asked. And have benefited in military aid, which of course helps the government, but not the people. The people want to see something worth-while come from their friendship with the US. They want this Free-Trade pact to pass, but they want it to be fair. They two main sticking points? The US refusal to do anything about agriculture subsidies to create a fair market for Colombians to compete in and our unwillingness to allow import of cheap generic prescription medicines into the US. Knowing the political situation in the US it seems unlikely either of those will change in the next six-months. Which puts Uribe in an almost impossible situation.
Yes like always it´s the economy stupid. Free-trade is important. More important than the family farm, more important than corporate profits. Because Free-trade buys us peace.
I´m very close to having beein in South America for a whole two weeks now, and I think that makes me as qualified as anyone else to disect the political situation here. I´ve always found politics fascinating, plus making wild prognostications is soooo much fun! Are you reading this people at the State Department???
When Venezualan President Chavez talks about fulfilling the legacy of Símon Bolivar he´s not kidding. He sees a United Latin America able to act as a counter-point to the arrogant US Imerialism as a pre-ordained outcome, a fulfillment of Bolivar´s legacy.
Chavez has done an amazing job solidifying his power base in Venezuala. The opposition has already pulled out of the government and soon will be running into the jungles. He´s got mass appeal among the people with his populist agenda and his stances against the US. One side-affect of the rise in oil prices in the last few years is that Chavez and his government are swimming in money. And with that money he´s working on creating his 2-million man army he needs to exert his will. Just watch the rate at which Venezuala is buying arms.
Chavez has had an excellent mentor in the world of politics in the form of Cuba´s Castro. Castro seems to acknowledge more and more that his days are numbered and while his legacy has already been written, he´s looking for a way to continue the revolution. And he´s found his eager student in Chavez.
Those of us hoping that after Castro´s death Cuba would open up to the world and join the rest of modern society, well be careful what you wish for. Somehow, someway Chavez will be in charge of Cuba. Whether is by direct control or a puppet-regime in Cuba remains to be seen.
What´s also fascinating about Chavez´s strong-man in Venezuala is the affect it is having in the region. Brazil has been railing against US power for a while now, and now in the form of Chavez they have a leader to follow. Bolivia just elected a socialist ex-coca grower as President, and they to seem to step-in-step with Chavez. Ecuador and Peru hang in the balance. Argentina, as it is apt to do, is keeping to itself.
But the governments of Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama and Colombia are increasingly feeling the pressure. Chavez rails against their leaders are lap-dogs of the US government. And that claim resonates with the majority of their own citizens living in absolute poverty. Chavez is trying to export revolution to these countries, he´s inciting the populus, promising them politicial support, weapons and whatever else they might need.
And his number one target right now is Venezuala´s neighbor to the west, Colombia. Colombia´s President Uribe has taking much criticism for his pro-US stance. While he has restored some semblance of order to this country over-run by 40 years of civil war, the situation hasn´t improved for majority of the population in the barrios.
In six-months Uribe runs for re-election. The outcome will either cement opposition to the populist movement in Venezuala or will be the first of many dominos to fall in creating the United States of Latin America.
The issue that will decide the election in Colombia? Suprisingly enough, not the war with the ELN, Farc or paramilitary groups. That´s not going to chance significantly enough in the next 6-months to sway the vote one way or another. But the proposed Free-Trade pact with the US will.
The Colombians have been bending over backwards to please the US. They´ve erradicated 80% of the coca fields, tightened security, been an ally in the War on Terror and jumped through all the hoops we´ve asked. And have benefited in military aid, which of course helps the government, but not the people. The people want to see something worth-while come from their friendship with the US. They want this Free-Trade pact to pass, but they want it to be fair. They two main sticking points? The US refusal to do anything about agriculture subsidies to create a fair market for Colombians to compete in and our unwillingness to allow import of cheap generic prescription medicines into the US. Knowing the political situation in the US it seems unlikely either of those will change in the next six-months. Which puts Uribe in an almost impossible situation.
Yes like always it´s the economy stupid. Free-trade is important. More important than the family farm, more important than corporate profits. Because Free-trade buys us peace.
Feliz Navidad
I had no plans for Christmas this year, which actually isn´t very unusual considering I was raised Muslim and never celebrated the holiday. No one seems to understand that. In fact when I started telling my friends I was going to South America in December they all said "but you´re going home for Christmas right?" Sigh, then I´d have to go through the same tired explanation again...nope, not going home, nope my parents aren´t mad, nope never got any Christmas presents. But when Ramadan did come around I did get to fast for 30 days, so I guess it all evens out in the long run.
But this year Martha invited me to spend Christmas day with her
family at their finca (basically a family farm). I´d heard stories about Colombians and their fincas and they all sounded amazing, so I jumped at the chance. But none of the stories I had heard prepared me for the day that followed.
We started out by taking the bus from Medellin to some random crossroads about an hour outside of the city. I spent the entire time gazing out the window in amazement. Martha always seems to think that´s weird, what´s the big deal? It´s just the outdoors. I guess when you live in paradise you tend to forget that some people live in Chicago.
We found Martha´s brother and his family at the predetermined meeting spot and piled into his 4-wheel drive jeep. 4 adults, 2 kids, not too bad. After about another hour we turned down what one might generously describe as a dirt road, and now I understood why that 4-wheel drive jeep was necessary. Another 1/2 hour and we were at the finca, among the most beautiful vistas I have ever seen.
What followed was the most amazing day of cooking and eating and drinking and eating and dancing and eating and laughing and eating. Martha has a large family. One mother who runs the show, 6 brothers, 2 of which are married with families of their own and a sister. In total, there were 11 adults, and 5 kids and one gringo.
Almost immediately the kids broke into their presents, the salsa music started playing and the empanadas starting frying. Then came the tamales, the maize pudding, the potatoes, the beef cutlets, the pork chops and of course brandy, brandy and more brandy! Everyone took part in the preparations, the cooking, the cleaning. I even got to lend a couple of hands.
As the day drew to a close the goodbyes and warm wishes went around. I was amazed by not only how close this entire family was, but how warmly and openly they welcomed me into their celebration. Then everyone who needed a ride piled into the jeep (count them, 6 adults and 4 kids, yes it was an exciting ride back) and headed
home.
Throughout the day I kept thinking to myself this seems like a pretty good life. I suppose in order to enjoy something like this one would have to stop running long enough to put down some roots. Stranger things have happened.
I had no plans for Christmas this year, which actually isn´t very unusual considering I was raised Muslim and never celebrated the holiday. No one seems to understand that. In fact when I started telling my friends I was going to South America in December they all said "but you´re going home for Christmas right?" Sigh, then I´d have to go through the same tired explanation again...nope, not going home, nope my parents aren´t mad, nope never got any Christmas presents. But when Ramadan did come around I did get to fast for 30 days, so I guess it all evens out in the long run.But this year Martha invited me to spend Christmas day with her
family at their finca (basically a family farm). I´d heard stories about Colombians and their fincas and they all sounded amazing, so I jumped at the chance. But none of the stories I had heard prepared me for the day that followed.We started out by taking the bus from Medellin to some random crossroads about an hour outside of the city. I spent the entire time gazing out the window in amazement. Martha always seems to think that´s weird, what´s the big deal? It´s just the outdoors. I guess when you live in paradise you tend to forget that some people live in Chicago.
We found Martha´s brother and his family at the predetermined meeting spot and piled into his 4-wheel drive jeep. 4 adults, 2 kids, not too bad. After about another hour we turned down what one might generously describe as a dirt road, and now I understood why that 4-wheel drive jeep was necessary. Another 1/2 hour and we were at the finca, among the most beautiful vistas I have ever seen.What followed was the most amazing day of cooking and eating and drinking and eating and dancing and eating and laughing and eating. Martha has a large family. One mother who runs the show, 6 brothers, 2 of which are married with families of their own and a sister. In total, there were 11 adults, and 5 kids and one gringo.
Almost immediately the kids broke into their presents, the salsa music started playing and the empanadas starting frying. Then came the tamales, the maize pudding, the potatoes, the beef cutlets, the pork chops and of course brandy, brandy and more brandy! Everyone took part in the preparations, the cooking, the cleaning. I even got to lend a couple of hands.As the day drew to a close the goodbyes and warm wishes went around. I was amazed by not only how close this entire family was, but how warmly and openly they welcomed me into their celebration. Then everyone who needed a ride piled into the jeep (count them, 6 adults and 4 kids, yes it was an exciting ride back) and headed
home.Throughout the day I kept thinking to myself this seems like a pretty good life. I suppose in order to enjoy something like this one would have to stop running long enough to put down some roots. Stranger things have happened.
Friday, December 23, 2005
I think I get colonialism now
This land is amazingly beautiful. If I was a Spaniard who had just spent 5 long months at sea with a bunch of other Spaniards, and we finally hit land and this is what we stumbled upon, I might be tempted to kill every person I could, enslave the rest and exploit the land as much as possible.
This land is amazingly beautiful. If I was a Spaniard who had just spent 5 long months at sea with a bunch of other Spaniards, and we finally hit land and this is what we stumbled upon, I might be tempted to kill every person I could, enslave the rest and exploit the land as much as possible.
Things I have learned by watching Fox News
The world has become an amazingly small place in the last couple of years. I remember when I was young and the family would travel to India, we´d pack extra suitcases of all sorts of extra crap. Electronics, blue jeans, cheese...whatever! But these days there´s not a thing that you can buy in the US that you can´t find everywhere else as well.
And how fast information gets disseminated these days is amazing. The TV in my hotel gets the US feed of Fox News in english. Great way for me to stay somewhat connected to the world. And it´s fascinating to see how much the world has changed in just one week since I´ve left. From watching Fox I´ve learned that:
1) The war in Iraq is going splendidly. Sounds like it´s all peaches and cream over there, one big love fest. The troops are coming home and Iraqi´s are baking us apple pies. Yay!
2) Samuel Alito is a good man. And while maybe he might have had some views that weren´t completely favorable to aboration rights many years ago, we shouldn´t read anything into that.
3) Stem-cell research is a hoax.
4) Those people that are criticizing the Presidents use of secret wire-taps on Americans without Judicial oversight are really just Al-Qaida sympathizers.
5) Bill O´Reilly is an ass.
6) Ann Coulter isn´t really even that attractive.
The world has become an amazingly small place in the last couple of years. I remember when I was young and the family would travel to India, we´d pack extra suitcases of all sorts of extra crap. Electronics, blue jeans, cheese...whatever! But these days there´s not a thing that you can buy in the US that you can´t find everywhere else as well.
And how fast information gets disseminated these days is amazing. The TV in my hotel gets the US feed of Fox News in english. Great way for me to stay somewhat connected to the world. And it´s fascinating to see how much the world has changed in just one week since I´ve left. From watching Fox I´ve learned that:
1) The war in Iraq is going splendidly. Sounds like it´s all peaches and cream over there, one big love fest. The troops are coming home and Iraqi´s are baking us apple pies. Yay!
2) Samuel Alito is a good man. And while maybe he might have had some views that weren´t completely favorable to aboration rights many years ago, we shouldn´t read anything into that.
3) Stem-cell research is a hoax.
4) Those people that are criticizing the Presidents use of secret wire-taps on Americans without Judicial oversight are really just Al-Qaida sympathizers.
5) Bill O´Reilly is an ass.
6) Ann Coulter isn´t really even that attractive.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
It´s been one-week
Only 5-months and 3 weeks left to go! Well not really, I mean when people started asking me how long I was taking off for on this little excursion, I had to say something. And 6-months is such a nice round number.
But the first week has been pretty good. My spanish has improved a ton. I´m at the point now that if I try hard enough, and the person I´m talking to is patient enough, I can get my point across. It doesn´t sound pretty, and no one is going to confuse me for a native speaker, but the job gets done. Understanding what other people say, wow...that is still such a work in progress.
I´ve made a new friend. Yes, he´s a stalker but other than that a really good guy. And I´ve met up with 3 gringos I previously met my last time in Medellin. There´s something weird about this city, people come to visit, fall in love with it and keep coming back.
I´ve taken a couple trips around the city and to the outskirts. It is amazingly beautiful out here. The city of eternal spring indeed.
And perhaps most importantly of all, I found a sports bar in the Centro-district that shows all the NFL games. Looks like I´ll have a chance to watch the Browns beat the crap out of the Steelers and eliminate them from the playoffs (please Papa Noel, that´s all I want for Christmas!)
Only 5-months and 3 weeks left to go! Well not really, I mean when people started asking me how long I was taking off for on this little excursion, I had to say something. And 6-months is such a nice round number.
But the first week has been pretty good. My spanish has improved a ton. I´m at the point now that if I try hard enough, and the person I´m talking to is patient enough, I can get my point across. It doesn´t sound pretty, and no one is going to confuse me for a native speaker, but the job gets done. Understanding what other people say, wow...that is still such a work in progress.
I´ve made a new friend. Yes, he´s a stalker but other than that a really good guy. And I´ve met up with 3 gringos I previously met my last time in Medellin. There´s something weird about this city, people come to visit, fall in love with it and keep coming back.
I´ve taken a couple trips around the city and to the outskirts. It is amazingly beautiful out here. The city of eternal spring indeed.
And perhaps most importantly of all, I found a sports bar in the Centro-district that shows all the NFL games. Looks like I´ll have a chance to watch the Browns beat the crap out of the Steelers and eliminate them from the playoffs (please Papa Noel, that´s all I want for Christmas!)
Stalker Redux
Well it turns out Gabriel has more than one gig. Just like everyone else is Medellin Gabriel is working what he´s got. His family runs a little shop outside the metro station where you can buy everything from a freshly made smoothies to individual cigarettes to batteries and empanadas.
He continues to stop by and call at all sorts of random times. But at this point I´ve just decided to go with it. He seems like a great guy. I´ve been spending a lot of time hanging out at his shop, just shooting the breeze.
We talk about the girls as they walk by, smoke cigarettes, and listen to whatever music the street vendors are hawking that day. He always introduces me as "mi caballero" (literally my cowboy, but more of a generic friendly term). And then he proceeds to tell everyone I don´t understand any spanish and laugh. I always reply with "entiendo un poco" (I understand a little) and he just laughs again. He´s a talker, and even when I´m sitting at his shop for two hours on end, there´s hardly ever a minute of silence.
But Gabriel has been super helpful, even if a little over-bearing. He helped me figure out some random problem I was having with my cell phone, calls over to the other restaurants to order me food, whenever someone orders a smoothie ("jugo con leche") he makes a little extra and gives it to me, gives me beer and tea (not at the same time) and absolutely refused to accept any money for anything. Great guy, but most of all he´s helping me restore my faith in humanity.
Well it turns out Gabriel has more than one gig. Just like everyone else is Medellin Gabriel is working what he´s got. His family runs a little shop outside the metro station where you can buy everything from a freshly made smoothies to individual cigarettes to batteries and empanadas.
He continues to stop by and call at all sorts of random times. But at this point I´ve just decided to go with it. He seems like a great guy. I´ve been spending a lot of time hanging out at his shop, just shooting the breeze.
We talk about the girls as they walk by, smoke cigarettes, and listen to whatever music the street vendors are hawking that day. He always introduces me as "mi caballero" (literally my cowboy, but more of a generic friendly term). And then he proceeds to tell everyone I don´t understand any spanish and laugh. I always reply with "entiendo un poco" (I understand a little) and he just laughs again. He´s a talker, and even when I´m sitting at his shop for two hours on end, there´s hardly ever a minute of silence.
But Gabriel has been super helpful, even if a little over-bearing. He helped me figure out some random problem I was having with my cell phone, calls over to the other restaurants to order me food, whenever someone orders a smoothie ("jugo con leche") he makes a little extra and gives it to me, gives me beer and tea (not at the same time) and absolutely refused to accept any money for anything. Great guy, but most of all he´s helping me restore my faith in humanity.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I have a stalker
And unfortunately not one of the many beautiful Colombian women who seem to be everywhere. No this guys name is Gabriel, a vendor who sells cellphone calls at the Estacion Metro de Estadio. (Yes there are actually people here who spend the day standing outside the metro station with a vest on advertising cell phone calls for 500 pesos a minute. What a great idea!)
He saw me looking quite confused one day trying to order a bite to eat and helped me out like these wonderful Colombians are apt to do. Then he took me for a little tour around the Estadio, got to see the VIP boxes in the stadium where Medellin Nacional play. Pretty cool actually.
The last 3 days Gabriel has made it a point to stop by the hotel or call to chat. Well try to chat would be more correct, me with my broken Spanglish and him just laughing. He’s offered to help me find a better hotel and show me around the city some more. He’s actually a pretty amazing guy. Went completely out of his way to help me just out of the kindness of his heart.
But I’m starting to feel a little paranoid. Too many stories about kidnappings and what not I suppose. The spidey-sense isn’t really going off yet, and that’s what bothers me. I like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I honestly think Gabriel is just a really good guy. But there’s a small part of me that keeps wondering why is he being so nice? You know what would really suck? If I ran away from a friend who was asking nothing of me, just because I was afraid to open myself up to trust.
And unfortunately not one of the many beautiful Colombian women who seem to be everywhere. No this guys name is Gabriel, a vendor who sells cellphone calls at the Estacion Metro de Estadio. (Yes there are actually people here who spend the day standing outside the metro station with a vest on advertising cell phone calls for 500 pesos a minute. What a great idea!)
He saw me looking quite confused one day trying to order a bite to eat and helped me out like these wonderful Colombians are apt to do. Then he took me for a little tour around the Estadio, got to see the VIP boxes in the stadium where Medellin Nacional play. Pretty cool actually.
The last 3 days Gabriel has made it a point to stop by the hotel or call to chat. Well try to chat would be more correct, me with my broken Spanglish and him just laughing. He’s offered to help me find a better hotel and show me around the city some more. He’s actually a pretty amazing guy. Went completely out of his way to help me just out of the kindness of his heart.
But I’m starting to feel a little paranoid. Too many stories about kidnappings and what not I suppose. The spidey-sense isn’t really going off yet, and that’s what bothers me. I like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I honestly think Gabriel is just a really good guy. But there’s a small part of me that keeps wondering why is he being so nice? You know what would really suck? If I ran away from a friend who was asking nothing of me, just because I was afraid to open myself up to trust.
I stopped into a church
I took a day trip out to Santa Fe de Antioquia on Sunday with Martha. Beautiful little pueblo about 2 hours outside of Medellin. And it seeing as it was Sunday Martha wanted to go to mass like a good little Catholic girl. So I went with.
It’s been years since I stepped foot inside a house of god. He’s been dead to me for a while now. It wasn’t always like that. I remember being quite religious, praying 5 times a day, fasting, asking for forgiveness. But over some period of time I made a pretty big transition. If god does indeed exist and he created this world, he must be one hell of a bastard. Why would I worship him?
While I was there, I found myself wondering if there was anything for me in this house of god. I looked deep within myself, lost myself in introspection and all I could find was bitterness and anger. A stone-cold heart, a path to nowhere.
As I looked at the pews full of devout Catholics I felt an air of superiority. As if I was the only one who was on to this whole scam. I wanted to scream “the god that you worship is nothing but mythology!” A thousand years from now when people looks back on our civilization I’m quite confident that they’ll mock our beliefs and customs the same way me mock the ancient Greeks who worshiped the gods of Mount Olympus or the Egyptians and their sun god Ra.
But after stepping off my high-horese, I eventually admitted to myself, God does serve a purpose in their lives. He gives them hope, he makes sense out of the madness that is our existence. If God didn’t exist the human mind would be forced to create him.
Some people find hope in the church of their choice. Some people find hope overlooking the Grand Canyon at sundown. Some people find it in love. I’m still looking.
I took a day trip out to Santa Fe de Antioquia on Sunday with Martha. Beautiful little pueblo about 2 hours outside of Medellin. And it seeing as it was Sunday Martha wanted to go to mass like a good little Catholic girl. So I went with.
It’s been years since I stepped foot inside a house of god. He’s been dead to me for a while now. It wasn’t always like that. I remember being quite religious, praying 5 times a day, fasting, asking for forgiveness. But over some period of time I made a pretty big transition. If god does indeed exist and he created this world, he must be one hell of a bastard. Why would I worship him?
While I was there, I found myself wondering if there was anything for me in this house of god. I looked deep within myself, lost myself in introspection and all I could find was bitterness and anger. A stone-cold heart, a path to nowhere.
As I looked at the pews full of devout Catholics I felt an air of superiority. As if I was the only one who was on to this whole scam. I wanted to scream “the god that you worship is nothing but mythology!” A thousand years from now when people looks back on our civilization I’m quite confident that they’ll mock our beliefs and customs the same way me mock the ancient Greeks who worshiped the gods of Mount Olympus or the Egyptians and their sun god Ra.
But after stepping off my high-horese, I eventually admitted to myself, God does serve a purpose in their lives. He gives them hope, he makes sense out of the madness that is our existence. If God didn’t exist the human mind would be forced to create him.
Some people find hope in the church of their choice. Some people find hope overlooking the Grand Canyon at sundown. Some people find it in love. I’m still looking.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Havana?
When I grow up I want to be Bill Murphy. I met Bill the first time I was in Medellin. Bill smokes big fat cigars, drinks rum and juggles girlfriends. Think Ernest Hemingway, but from South Carolina. He’s in his 50’s, got a couple of grown kids, sold his business a few years ago and seems to be pretty happy bumming around Latin American toying with ideas for new business ventures.
So when Bill told me he was heading back to Cuba (say it with me now, Coo-bah) my eyes lit up. “Why don’t you come visit” he said, “I know Havana like the back of my hand, I’ll show you around”. And the thing with Bill is, I’m sure he does and I’m sure he will.
Now before you mention it to me, yes I am quite aware that Cuba is not in South America. Somehow I thought it would take more than a week before I completely threw my plans out the window and changed the theme to my trip. But whatever.
Going to Cuba would mean the trip to the Galapagos Islands get put on hold. But you know what…these are the hot humid months there right now. And as far as coolness factor goes, going to Cuba before Castro kicks the bucket definitely beats seeing some big turtles. A couple of weeks in Cuba and I still have plenty of time to get to Rio before Carnaval.
There are lots of details to work out still. How I get there, what I do with my ticket to Guayaquil, avoiding becoming indoctrinated by the party members, etc. But I have faith those details will take care of themselves, they always do.
When I grow up I want to be Bill Murphy. I met Bill the first time I was in Medellin. Bill smokes big fat cigars, drinks rum and juggles girlfriends. Think Ernest Hemingway, but from South Carolina. He’s in his 50’s, got a couple of grown kids, sold his business a few years ago and seems to be pretty happy bumming around Latin American toying with ideas for new business ventures.
So when Bill told me he was heading back to Cuba (say it with me now, Coo-bah) my eyes lit up. “Why don’t you come visit” he said, “I know Havana like the back of my hand, I’ll show you around”. And the thing with Bill is, I’m sure he does and I’m sure he will.
Now before you mention it to me, yes I am quite aware that Cuba is not in South America. Somehow I thought it would take more than a week before I completely threw my plans out the window and changed the theme to my trip. But whatever.
Going to Cuba would mean the trip to the Galapagos Islands get put on hold. But you know what…these are the hot humid months there right now. And as far as coolness factor goes, going to Cuba before Castro kicks the bucket definitely beats seeing some big turtles. A couple of weeks in Cuba and I still have plenty of time to get to Rio before Carnaval.
There are lots of details to work out still. How I get there, what I do with my ticket to Guayaquil, avoiding becoming indoctrinated by the party members, etc. But I have faith those details will take care of themselves, they always do.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Smile and Nod
My general theory of how to deal with an unknown situation...for example being in a foriegn land where I don´t speak the language and don´t know the culture, is just to agree with everything. Doesn´t work so well when you´re presented with options, but hey, I didn´t say it was a perfect plan.
I suppose the ¨smile and nod¨principle as I like to call it is founded on two basic assumptions.
1) People are generally good
2) Humans can understand each other´s needs / desires
It seems like assumption 1 would really be the more controversial of the two. Especially in a city like Medellin. After all, six-months ago the only times I had ever heard of Medellin it was followed by ¨drug cartel¨.
But humans have a way of suprising you. The people here seem to be amazingly nice, and not what one would expect given the history of Medellin. Simply stopping random strangers on the street can lead to lenghty conversations about what you want to do, suggestions of how to get where you´re going, offers to show you around, etc.
But I suppose in order for this survival mechanism to work you really need to be able to differentiate the majority of the people who are ¨good¨from the minority that are ¨bad¨. I like to think I have a pretty good gut instinct. I´ve taken some chances in my life and none of them have really turned out to screw me too bad (I guess I should be knocking on wood or something huh?)
My general theory of how to deal with an unknown situation...for example being in a foriegn land where I don´t speak the language and don´t know the culture, is just to agree with everything. Doesn´t work so well when you´re presented with options, but hey, I didn´t say it was a perfect plan.
I suppose the ¨smile and nod¨principle as I like to call it is founded on two basic assumptions.
1) People are generally good
2) Humans can understand each other´s needs / desires
It seems like assumption 1 would really be the more controversial of the two. Especially in a city like Medellin. After all, six-months ago the only times I had ever heard of Medellin it was followed by ¨drug cartel¨.
But humans have a way of suprising you. The people here seem to be amazingly nice, and not what one would expect given the history of Medellin. Simply stopping random strangers on the street can lead to lenghty conversations about what you want to do, suggestions of how to get where you´re going, offers to show you around, etc.
But I suppose in order for this survival mechanism to work you really need to be able to differentiate the majority of the people who are ¨good¨from the minority that are ¨bad¨. I like to think I have a pretty good gut instinct. I´ve taken some chances in my life and none of them have really turned out to screw me too bad (I guess I should be knocking on wood or something huh?)
Starting My First Full Day
Off to a flying start. The guy in the room next to me aparently set his alarm for 7:30 AM on the highest volume possible, and of course had left before it went off. I thought about getting up since there was no way I was going to sleep through that, but, well those of you that know me know the odds of that happening were unlikely.
So I decided to try to convince the hotel front desk to come up and turn it off. Sounds easy enough right? Probably would have been if my Spanish weren't quite so broken. Before I even thought of calling the front desk, I consulted my Spanglish dictionary, let's see...yes here we go! "hay mucha ruido in el habitacion cerca mia." Well by 8:30 I had finally managed to get the point across but by that time I figured I might as well get up anyways.
After getting ready I came down the stairs and was greated quite warmly by the receptionist at the front desk.
Off to a flying start. The guy in the room next to me aparently set his alarm for 7:30 AM on the highest volume possible, and of course had left before it went off. I thought about getting up since there was no way I was going to sleep through that, but, well those of you that know me know the odds of that happening were unlikely.
So I decided to try to convince the hotel front desk to come up and turn it off. Sounds easy enough right? Probably would have been if my Spanish weren't quite so broken. Before I even thought of calling the front desk, I consulted my Spanglish dictionary, let's see...yes here we go! "hay mucha ruido in el habitacion cerca mia." Well by 8:30 I had finally managed to get the point across but by that time I figured I might as well get up anyways.
After getting ready I came down the stairs and was greated quite warmly by the receptionist at the front desk.
Cute Receptionist: "Something, something, something...¿quieres desayuna?" (would you like breakfast?)At this point, life is good, I didn't realize breakfast came with the room. At $25 a night not a bad deal.
Me: "Si, por favor"
Cute Receptionist: "Something, something, something" (Hands me a slip of paper)Armed with all of that information I decided to make my way "allí" and attmept to find this cafeteria. I saw several places that looked promising, but they were all closed. Well you can probably guess the end of this little story by now. Never did find this fabled cafeteria in this mystical land of "allí" but I stopped in a restaurant for a very nice plate of eggs and what appeared to be chopped up hot dog pieces and a cup of coffee, without too much trouble. Cost me about $0.90. There are some benefits of being here after all ;-)
Me: "¿donde?¨ (with what I can only imagine to be a painfully confused look on my face)
Cute Receptionist: "Something, something, something"
Me: "uh..." (imagine that painfully confused look on my face growing)
Cute Receptionist (to the Bellhop): "Jorge!"
Cute Receptionist (to me): "Jorge va explicate"
Jorge: "Something, something, something, allí" (pointing down the street)
Me: "¿allí?"(pointing in the same direction)
Jorge: "Something, something, something, allí" (pointing down the street)
Me: "¿es un restaurante?"
Jorge: "es un cafeteria"
Me: "gracias"
Safe and Sound in Medellin
Well the visions I had of spending a couple days hanging out at South Beach were dashed by Avianca's excellent customer support. I guess that means they aren't going on the list after all. They got me on the next flight to Medellin, which unfortunately left at 1:00 AM and touched down at 4:00 AM. Turns out the cabbie from the airport charged me the gringo rate of $50,000 pesos, instead of the going rate of $38,000 (about $5 more than it should have been) Oh well, I was pretty much prepared for that. Other than that he seemed like a nice guy and all.
So after 25 hours, 2 delayed flights, an unused hotel voucher, a $100 travel voucher from United and a little TLC from the TSA here I am in Medellin. It's absolutely gorgeous here, and I would expect nothing less from the "the City of Eternal Spring". Although I gotta admit it's strange walking around in my sunglasses and checking out the Christmas decorations (and there are a loooot of Christmas decorations here).
Well the visions I had of spending a couple days hanging out at South Beach were dashed by Avianca's excellent customer support. I guess that means they aren't going on the list after all. They got me on the next flight to Medellin, which unfortunately left at 1:00 AM and touched down at 4:00 AM. Turns out the cabbie from the airport charged me the gringo rate of $50,000 pesos, instead of the going rate of $38,000 (about $5 more than it should have been) Oh well, I was pretty much prepared for that. Other than that he seemed like a nice guy and all.
So after 25 hours, 2 delayed flights, an unused hotel voucher, a $100 travel voucher from United and a little TLC from the TSA here I am in Medellin. It's absolutely gorgeous here, and I would expect nothing less from the "the City of Eternal Spring". Although I gotta admit it's strange walking around in my sunglasses and checking out the Christmas decorations (and there are a loooot of Christmas decorations here).
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Philosopher’s have such cool names
Like all of them. And it’s almost always just one name. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard (his first name too, but I can’t type it because I don’t have o with / through it thingy on my keyboard) and Camus (it’s just cool because no-one seems to know how to pronounce it) and Socrates and Buddha.
Now before you get all up in arms Adam Smith and John Stuart Mill are just the exceptions that prove the rule. Besides you could make the argument that they’re economists not philosophers, although I don’t really buy it.
How come no one names their kids after philosophers? There must be a million Brittney’s and Justin’s running around these days, but when’s the last time you met a Noam? (ok, ok, he may not actually be a philosopher either depending on your definition, but whatever)
Maybe it´s just that people with cool names (ok, wierd names) are more likely to sit around and try to make sense of the world.
Kashif Hasan would be a good name for a philosopher. People would mispronounce it and then snobby intellectuals in black turtle-necks could correct them as they flick their cigarettes demonstrating their disdain and superiority.
[ Side note: I’ve decided I’m going back to pronouncing like my parents (grandmother really) intended (KAH-shif Hus-un). I’ve been Ka-sheef for about 9 years, and I’m done with it]
Now some Kashif Hasan just has to philosophize something worth repeating. Then coffee-shop snobs could say things like “…well Hasan [or maybe Kashif, I haven’t decided yet] teaches us that enlightenment is obtained by embracing the misery of life and having the courage to define ones existence…” or some other such fortune-cookie wisdom. Maybe that other Kashif Hasan who works at Microsoft will come up with something like that…I’m counting on you buddy!
Like all of them. And it’s almost always just one name. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard (his first name too, but I can’t type it because I don’t have o with / through it thingy on my keyboard) and Camus (it’s just cool because no-one seems to know how to pronounce it) and Socrates and Buddha.
Now before you get all up in arms Adam Smith and John Stuart Mill are just the exceptions that prove the rule. Besides you could make the argument that they’re economists not philosophers, although I don’t really buy it.
How come no one names their kids after philosophers? There must be a million Brittney’s and Justin’s running around these days, but when’s the last time you met a Noam? (ok, ok, he may not actually be a philosopher either depending on your definition, but whatever)
Maybe it´s just that people with cool names (ok, wierd names) are more likely to sit around and try to make sense of the world.
Kashif Hasan would be a good name for a philosopher. People would mispronounce it and then snobby intellectuals in black turtle-necks could correct them as they flick their cigarettes demonstrating their disdain and superiority.
[ Side note: I’ve decided I’m going back to pronouncing like my parents (grandmother really) intended (KAH-shif Hus-un). I’ve been Ka-sheef for about 9 years, and I’m done with it]
Now some Kashif Hasan just has to philosophize something worth repeating. Then coffee-shop snobs could say things like “…well Hasan [or maybe Kashif, I haven’t decided yet] teaches us that enlightenment is obtained by embracing the misery of life and having the courage to define ones existence…” or some other such fortune-cookie wisdom. Maybe that other Kashif Hasan who works at Microsoft will come up with something like that…I’m counting on you buddy!
Do you ever the feeling the world is trying to tell you something?
So that flight from Chicago to Miami that I just purchased…delayed. Turns out that somehow an antenna broke off the plane or something on the last flight. I don’t see what the big deal is, I looked out the window and there are plenty of antennas still left. They can’t possibly need them all. They had to go find a new plane for us and board us all over again.
Yeah and that connecting flight from Miami to Medellin…gonna miss it. And turns out all the flights to Medellin from NY / Miami / Houston / Panama City, etc, are booked for the next two days (and I thought I was the only insane one). First flight I can actually get booked on isn’t until Friday. Until them I’m waiting on standby. This on top of my adventures with security and the fact I had to plunk down an extra $172.20 + $15 service fee for this flight anyways. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
I definitely do get the feeling there is a message in all of this. But the problem with messages that you think the world is sending you is that there is so much room for interpretation. A heavenly voice just spoke to me and told me that the temperature in Miami is 74 degrees with only scattered clouds and winds at 10 MPH (it could have been the pilot). Lots of different ways to interpret these turn of events, I’m going with the one about lemons and lemonade, or maybe it was spilled milk? Either way, I’ve always wanted to visit Miami (don’t worry Shannon, I’ll tell you all about it) and I guess they have beaches too.
So that flight from Chicago to Miami that I just purchased…delayed. Turns out that somehow an antenna broke off the plane or something on the last flight. I don’t see what the big deal is, I looked out the window and there are plenty of antennas still left. They can’t possibly need them all. They had to go find a new plane for us and board us all over again.
Yeah and that connecting flight from Miami to Medellin…gonna miss it. And turns out all the flights to Medellin from NY / Miami / Houston / Panama City, etc, are booked for the next two days (and I thought I was the only insane one). First flight I can actually get booked on isn’t until Friday. Until them I’m waiting on standby. This on top of my adventures with security and the fact I had to plunk down an extra $172.20 + $15 service fee for this flight anyways. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
I definitely do get the feeling there is a message in all of this. But the problem with messages that you think the world is sending you is that there is so much room for interpretation. A heavenly voice just spoke to me and told me that the temperature in Miami is 74 degrees with only scattered clouds and winds at 10 MPH (it could have been the pilot). Lots of different ways to interpret these turn of events, I’m going with the one about lemons and lemonade, or maybe it was spilled milk? Either way, I’ve always wanted to visit Miami (don’t worry Shannon, I’ll tell you all about it) and I guess they have beaches too.
George W. Bush, you owe me $172.20 + $15 service fee
Ok, it’s not in the same realm as the torture of those Guantanomo Bay prisoners or the countless murdered Iraqi civilians, but at this moment I consider myself another victim of the United States Global War on Terrorism (USGWOT).
Somewhere between Cleveland and Chicago, between Dec. 9th and Dec 14th the US Government decided I presented a significant enough threat to national security to warrant being placed on the national “Do Not Fly” list.
What exactly I did to earn this distinction in 5 short days I have no idea. It couldn’t possibly be the one-way ticket to Medellin (Yes, that Medellin) could it? Actually I’m kinda surprised I wasn’t on it before, what with the Muslim name and all. I even made fun of my sister who was on the list, damn karma coming back to screw me!
Well I’m gonna start my own list. The Individuals, Organizations, Abstractions and Entities that Kashif No Se Gusta List (IOAETKNSG). Number 1 entry on the list, George W. Bush.
After waiting approximately 17 hours in United’s check-in line (you’re on the list too United! Would it really have killed you to have more than 3 people working with a line going around the block?) with only a few scant minutes to spare in order to make my flight to Orlando to connect with my flight in Miami I was informed that I would have the pleasure of experiencing first-hand some of our nations post-911 enhanced security measures. What follows is verbatim snippet of the conversation with the United Counter Dude, who actually was pretty helpful, despite the tense situation.
Ok Scott, now I know you’re going to read this and say something about how I should be on the list and it’s my own damn fault, then you’ll probably say “yee haw!” and talk about that 50 cal sniper rifle you’ve been wanting to buy, but come on now, I’m not the only one who’s been inconvenienced as such. In fact, everyone who flies anywhere through the US has to take off their shoes, and pull out their laptops, and jump through all sorts of other random hoops. And while it might be only a couple minutes of bother, multiply it by the millions of people who have to tolerate it. And then ask yourself the important question, are we actually any safer today than we were pre-911? Or are we just going through a bunch of silly regulations and restrictions for no real purpose other than to give ourselves a false sense of security? The scene from “The Man with Two Brains” where Steve Martin takes the DUI test in Norway (or whatever silly European country that was) comes to mind.
There’s one thing that I know for sure. If some group of terrorists ever tried to take over another plane with box-cutters, it wouldn’t fly (bad pun, I know). No group of passengers on an airplane would ever again let anyone get in the cockpit, they’d do what those passengers in PA did (whatever they did, guess we’ll never really find out).
So how does me taking off my shoes, and them taking my nail clippers from me actually make us even a little bit safer? What’s that Benjamin Franklin quote about temporary security vs. liberty? Or was it Jefferson? Whatever, either way I’m out $172.20 + $15 service fee and so are a bunch of other people (well not the same amount you know, but the principle of the thing) and dammit they even charge for the snacks on the stupid airplanes now. I was gonna write a letter, but instead I’ll just piss and moan on my blog…that’ll show them!
sigh…tranquilo, tranquilo…
Ok, it’s not in the same realm as the torture of those Guantanomo Bay prisoners or the countless murdered Iraqi civilians, but at this moment I consider myself another victim of the United States Global War on Terrorism (USGWOT).
Somewhere between Cleveland and Chicago, between Dec. 9th and Dec 14th the US Government decided I presented a significant enough threat to national security to warrant being placed on the national “Do Not Fly” list.
What exactly I did to earn this distinction in 5 short days I have no idea. It couldn’t possibly be the one-way ticket to Medellin (Yes, that Medellin) could it? Actually I’m kinda surprised I wasn’t on it before, what with the Muslim name and all. I even made fun of my sister who was on the list, damn karma coming back to screw me!
Well I’m gonna start my own list. The Individuals, Organizations, Abstractions and Entities that Kashif No Se Gusta List (IOAETKNSG). Number 1 entry on the list, George W. Bush.
After waiting approximately 17 hours in United’s check-in line (you’re on the list too United! Would it really have killed you to have more than 3 people working with a line going around the block?) with only a few scant minutes to spare in order to make my flight to Orlando to connect with my flight in Miami I was informed that I would have the pleasure of experiencing first-hand some of our nations post-911 enhanced security measures. What follows is verbatim snippet of the conversation with the United Counter Dude, who actually was pretty helpful, despite the tense situation.
Me: “So when you say I’m on the ‘Do Not Fly’ list what exactly does that mean?"Knowing full well that there was no way I was going to make my initial flight due to the full body cavity search (ok, it wasn’t really that bad), and with United refusing to simply put me on a later flight due to some crazy explanation about being ticketed through Avianca and the restrictions on the Orbitz ticket (Orbitz, I’m thinking of putting you on the list too. Really if you’re gonna call me at 4:00 AM to tell me the flight is on time, at least tell me the line at O’Hare is around the proverbial block) I could see no way to begin my South American journey today other than purchasing another one-way ticket to Miami from United to fly on Ted (ok, who the hell came up with Ted? Samira, if you can’t become a marketing executive in a world where Ted is a valid name for a subsidiary of a multi-national company, then there is something severely wrong), which would give me exactly 1:32 minutes to check-in for my Avianca flight in Miami. (Avianca, you might get put on the list too, I’m not really sure why yet, but I’m sure you had some part of this whole mess).
United Counter Dude: “Extra security”
Me: “So they’re gonna strip search me?”
United Counter Dude: “Yup”
Me: “So basically I’m screwed right?”
United Counter Dude: “Yup”
Ok Scott, now I know you’re going to read this and say something about how I should be on the list and it’s my own damn fault, then you’ll probably say “yee haw!” and talk about that 50 cal sniper rifle you’ve been wanting to buy, but come on now, I’m not the only one who’s been inconvenienced as such. In fact, everyone who flies anywhere through the US has to take off their shoes, and pull out their laptops, and jump through all sorts of other random hoops. And while it might be only a couple minutes of bother, multiply it by the millions of people who have to tolerate it. And then ask yourself the important question, are we actually any safer today than we were pre-911? Or are we just going through a bunch of silly regulations and restrictions for no real purpose other than to give ourselves a false sense of security? The scene from “The Man with Two Brains” where Steve Martin takes the DUI test in Norway (or whatever silly European country that was) comes to mind.
There’s one thing that I know for sure. If some group of terrorists ever tried to take over another plane with box-cutters, it wouldn’t fly (bad pun, I know). No group of passengers on an airplane would ever again let anyone get in the cockpit, they’d do what those passengers in PA did (whatever they did, guess we’ll never really find out).
So how does me taking off my shoes, and them taking my nail clippers from me actually make us even a little bit safer? What’s that Benjamin Franklin quote about temporary security vs. liberty? Or was it Jefferson? Whatever, either way I’m out $172.20 + $15 service fee and so are a bunch of other people (well not the same amount you know, but the principle of the thing) and dammit they even charge for the snacks on the stupid airplanes now. I was gonna write a letter, but instead I’ll just piss and moan on my blog…that’ll show them!
sigh…tranquilo, tranquilo…
Have I gone completely mad?
Short answer: Probably maybe.
Long answer: Well how else would you describe someone who gives up a good job with a six-figure salary, great friends and a good gal to go bum around for a while?
I suppose the best explanation I have right now is I’m bored and still trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. Work stopped being exciting a while ago. I remember when I started working at the Big Softie, our big (and I do mean big) VP would say (let me paraphrase here) “Either do some real work or get the hell out of the way!” The last couple of years it seems like getting in the way was the “real” work that needed done. Yes clueless managers (ex-coworkers, you know who I’m talking about) seemed to be more interested in changing the color of random cells in spreadsheets than shipping great software. And were there any repercussions for such incompetence? (Wait for it…) Of course not! The good folks who cared just got worked to death (RIP Tom Green) trying to satisfy the ever shifting whims of management.
But really Microsoft’s transition from exciting, innovative software company to a sweatshop full of drones (I would say IBM, but that’s not really fair to the folks at Big Blue) seems to have coincided quite nicely with my own existential angst. And all sarcasm aside I have no real ill feelings towards The Evil Empire. They treated me really well and I got to work on some pretty awesome stuff I loved. They just fell short of living up to my wildest expectations.
So why South America? Why now? You didn’t really expect an answer did you? Not sure what I’m looking for, not sure what I’ll find. But I know that there’s no prettier sight than looking back on a town you left behind (bonus points if you can identify the obscure reference) Plus this seems a good a way as any to figure out what I wanna do next, take a break, “find myself” and have some fun at the same time.
I’ve starting figuring out a couple things already. A couple good friends and family go a long way. Yeah I’m talking about all you guys who went out of your way (even if only a little bit) to help me do this. Helped me move crap, gave me a place to store shit, a place to crash for the night, rides to the airport at ungodly hours and everything else. I suppose that matters more than anything else, which of course makes it even more ironic that I’m leaving. Like I said, you didn’t expect a sensible answer, now did you?
Short answer: Probably maybe.
Long answer: Well how else would you describe someone who gives up a good job with a six-figure salary, great friends and a good gal to go bum around for a while?
I suppose the best explanation I have right now is I’m bored and still trying to figure out what I wanna be when I grow up. Work stopped being exciting a while ago. I remember when I started working at the Big Softie, our big (and I do mean big) VP would say (let me paraphrase here) “Either do some real work or get the hell out of the way!” The last couple of years it seems like getting in the way was the “real” work that needed done. Yes clueless managers (ex-coworkers, you know who I’m talking about) seemed to be more interested in changing the color of random cells in spreadsheets than shipping great software. And were there any repercussions for such incompetence? (Wait for it…) Of course not! The good folks who cared just got worked to death (RIP Tom Green) trying to satisfy the ever shifting whims of management.
But really Microsoft’s transition from exciting, innovative software company to a sweatshop full of drones (I would say IBM, but that’s not really fair to the folks at Big Blue) seems to have coincided quite nicely with my own existential angst. And all sarcasm aside I have no real ill feelings towards The Evil Empire. They treated me really well and I got to work on some pretty awesome stuff I loved. They just fell short of living up to my wildest expectations.
So why South America? Why now? You didn’t really expect an answer did you? Not sure what I’m looking for, not sure what I’ll find. But I know that there’s no prettier sight than looking back on a town you left behind (bonus points if you can identify the obscure reference) Plus this seems a good a way as any to figure out what I wanna do next, take a break, “find myself” and have some fun at the same time.
I’ve starting figuring out a couple things already. A couple good friends and family go a long way. Yeah I’m talking about all you guys who went out of your way (even if only a little bit) to help me do this. Helped me move crap, gave me a place to store shit, a place to crash for the night, rides to the airport at ungodly hours and everything else. I suppose that matters more than anything else, which of course makes it even more ironic that I’m leaving. Like I said, you didn’t expect a sensible answer, now did you?
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